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Budget cuts hurt criminals


Sequestration has severely struck the part of the American population that still can’t pronounce the word.

“It’s terrible, is what it is,” said Winston Pennywhistle, president of local 115 of the Fraternity of Law-Adherence Impaired Individuals (FLII), commonly known as criminals. “We’re out there trying to make a dishonest living, and along comes this seqwa… this seqooest… this budget cutback, and we’re hurting.”

Pennywhistle said many of the union’s members, hit by the severe reduction in value of the possessions of their prospective victims, were being reduced to other means of livelihood, such as they are.

“Here’s a perfect example,” he said. “One crimina...

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