The Goldendale Sentinel - Headlines & History since 1879

By Tim ONeill
Funny Guy 

Lee's last address, Lincoln killed, Titanic goes down

This week in history


April 10: 837—Halley’s Comet and Earth come closest to each other by only 3.2 million miles. 1865—General Robert E. Lee addresses his troops for the last time after his surrender at Appomattox. 1953—House of Wax becomes the first 3-D film released by a major American studio. 1979—An Irishman, a priest, a rabbi, a Texan, a man with a parrot on his head, a horse, and a kangaroo all walk into a bar, but nothing funny happens (much like this joke). 1921—Born: Sheb Wooley, cowboy actor and recording artist who warned the world of a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple people eater. Died: Dixie Carter (2010). National Siblings Day. Today’s Word: Didaskaleinophobia –fear of school.

April 11: 1865—Demonstrating the better angels of his nature, Lincoln urges the North demonstrate generous reconciliation during reconstruction; apparently Booth did not hear this. 1942—Recognizing the dangers faced by merchant vessels, Congress authorizes the award the Distinguished Service Medal for Merchant Marines but does not extend them veteran’s benefits. 1962—Stengel’s New York Mets debut and lose their first nine games of the season. 2012—Kim Jong Un becomes the first secretary of North Korea and Kim Jong Il, his deceased father and international nutcase, is posthumously made Korea’s Communist Party’s ‘eternal’ General Secretary. Born: Tarzan’s “Boy,’ Johnny Sheffield (1931). Died: Kurt Vonnegut (2007). Barbershop Quartet Day. Today’s Word: Kyphophobia—fear of stooping.

April 12: 1829—Russian explorer Alexander von Humboldt starts his scientific expedition to uncharted regions of Siberia and recorded temperatures for the tsar. It was easy work as his daily records for the months of September through May only consist of 6 works: “It is really, really cold here!” 1888—After a French newspaper mistakenly publishes an obituary for the inventor of dynamite, Albert Nobel, whom they call “a merchant of death,” Nobel tries to change his public image and later establishes the Nobel Prizes. 2025—The health care industry and medical insurance industries suffer huge income losses with the discovery that time actually does heal all wounds. Born: Porcelain manufacturing pioneer William Cookworthy (1705). Died: Clara Barton (1912). Look Up At The Sky Day. Today’s Word: Naupathia—seasickness.

April 13: 1869—George Westinghouse patents the steam power brake. 1919—British forces shoot 1,650 rounds into a crowd of unarmed Indian Nationalists, killing hundreds. Brigadier-General Reginald E.H. Dye explains why he gave the command to fire: “I think it quite possible that I could have dispersed the crowd without firing but they would have come back again and laughed, and I would have made, what I consider, a fool of myself.” 1979—The longest recorded doubles ping-pong match lasts for 101 hours. Born: Thomas Jefferson (1743). Died with the widest headstone: Dionyssis Papayannopoulos (1984). Blame Somebody Else Day. Today’s Word: Warland—taxable land.

April 14: 1611—The first recorded use of the word “telescope.” It comes from the Greek words “tele,” meaning far and “scopeo,” meaning see. 1865—John Wilkes Booth assassinates President Abraham Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre. 1958—Laurie London’s He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands is number one on the record charts. 1992—Microsoft and Hewlett Packard win a lawsuit brought by Apple for technical stuff I really don’t understand. Born: Coal miner’s daughter, Loretta Lynn (1935). Died: Gabon’s president, Omar Bongo (2009). Navabarsha (Nepalese New Year Day). Today’s word: Undiculation—the act of stretching oneself.

April 15: 1865—In Washington, D.C., President Lincoln dies at 7:22 a.m. 1912—The Titanic sinks after striking an iceberg. 1924—The first road atlas is published by Rand McNally. 1955—Ray Kroc opens his first McDonald’s restaurant beginning the formation of a vast fast food chain and the birth of the phrase “Do you want fries with that?” 2013—20.7 million Americans go on antidepressants when they realize they have not filled out their federal income tax forms. Born: Universal man, Leonardo da Vinci (1452). Died: Greta Lovisa Gustafsson a/k/a Greta Garbo (1990). That Sucks Day. Today’s Word: Sophomania—the delusion one is tremendously intelligent.

April 16: 1705—Isaac Newton is knighted by Queen Anne. 1818—The Senate passes the Rush-Bagot amendment and forms an unarmed US-Canada border. 1853—Society ladies watch horse races at the Campton Racetrack but do not sing “Doo-da, Doo-da.” 1922—A world’s record is set when Annie Oakley shoot 100 clay targets in a row. 1962—CBS Evening News hosts Walter Cronkite as its news anchor. Died: “Spencer for Hire” star Robert Michael Urich (2002). Undergraduate Research Week. Today’s Word: Flippercanorious—elegant.


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